The Meaning of Learning

Are you asking why did I change my style?
People change fellas :) always..
Becoming someone better is a choice, and I choose to be that one :) still coming in style :P I’m a girl in a veil now. I’m happy and fresh :P and I always try to “fix me” both outside and inside.. here the story began..

The Meaning of Learning

There was an experience I got in July 2010, a nice experience. Teaching at a favorite school in Kediri, East Java. I met many gorgeous people, the teachers, the students, and also the partners, it felt so nice and meaningful.

In my opinion, PPL (Program Pengalaman Lapangan) is a kind of activity in order to get a deeper understanding about education. For me especially, PPL had been a media of reflection, it helped me a lot to respect others, knowing the meaning of my own life, about love, and care.

Maybe people there never realize how much they have given to me, something precious. I’m talking about an experience which let me become someone better (I wish), about how to respect and be respected, about how to be someone inspiring and inspired by others. I love my time there, really.

Honestly, the first time I arrived there, the only one purpose I did the PPL is about getting the score. I even didn’t really care about the materials I would give to the students, I told myself, ”Just do it and go!”. I hate being a teacher, even my parent realize that. I didn’t have something what they actually needed from me, people call it “care”. Or maybe I even didn’t “care” about anything, except my life, my fabulous own life.

Then I realized something, everyone around me were so kind, nice people. The students respected me so much. They were smart, kind, and polite. I love them ♡

While I was busy styling my hair, wearing my high-waist skirt to school, then came to the class with the handbook, read it in front of the students (getting nothing except a material I didn’t read the previous day). “Oh God, I was someone bad. Really bad”, I told myself.

I even didn’t listen to my PPL teachers when I was in Senior High School, no respect. I thought that they were just a community with everything boring, including “they couldn’t teach well”. While my students were different, they were awesome. With the high scores filling their report books, they were so polite, listening to my explanation well (although, me, myself, didn’t understand the materials well).

It’s a kind of reflection, when they greeted me and asking me about the lesson. When they asked me for permission, greeted me in some public places, so meaningful for me. Then I asked myself, again, “what is respect?” that was a big question for me. “do they have to respect a person like me?” I know myself well, I was not a good High School student. I loved cheerleading, that’s all. Maybe some birthday parties interested me also. I even didn’t care about others, I hated to greet the PPL teachers at that time. Just like what I said, “they are nothing” for me, at that time.

Then my point of view changed, I preferred to see everything differently. Not just ‘as my point of view’ but ‘others' point of views’ too, so I could respect others, like my students respected me. I started to study and prepare the materials one day before I taught. I wanted to be someone meaningful for myself when they said ‘thank you’ in the end of the class. It’s a kind of ‘care’, a word I never had before. It’s a kind of ‘love’ also, something that people around me give to me but I never realized it before.

Realizing that I was someone bad, I tried to review my life, my own life. Then I found the answer, what I need, what I love. Trying to make something happen, something that had been stayed in my head but I never made it true.

Then, what I want to deliver here is about ‘meaning’. As we know, language is about meaning, life is the same. I thanks to Allah SWT, my Lord. God shows me and gives me everything what I need, it’s not about everything what I want. Because God knows everything best, God knows our capacity, my capacity. I even can dream to be a President, but God knows my capacity well, so God won’t let this country destroyed because of the President is a girl like me ;b

Overall, my life is about reflection. I learn so many things in my life. When people say that a girl must be who she is, but what will be she like? I asked.

For me, a girl has to be someone, because God just gives me once ♡


*originally written by Miss Tara Filliana on Thursday, January 13, 2011 (picked from Tara Filliana's facebook notes)